The Roommate 'Pre-Nup': Why You Need a Written Agreement Before You Share a Bathroom

Listen up. I know you're excited about that two-bedroom with the exposed brick and the "good vibes only" energy you felt during the tour. I know you and your college friend / coworker / Hinge date already agreed you're "both pretty chill" and "definitely clean people."

Real talk? I have heard this story end in small claims court more times than I can count.

You need a roommate agreement. Not a verbal handshake. Not a "we'll figure it out" vibe. A written, signed, dated document that covers the money, the move-out, and the moment someone inevitably stops doing their dishes.

I'm not being dramatic. I'm being your older sister, and I'm trying to save you from the kind of friendship-destroying, credit-score-damaging nightmare that keeps me up at night. Let's get into it.

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Why Verbal Agreements Are a Trap

Here's what happens in every roommate disaster story:

"But we AGREED she'd pay the utilities since I paid the security deposit!"

"He PROMISED he'd find a replacement before moving out!"

"We SAID we'd split everything 50/50!"

Cool. You know what a judge cares about? Paper. Signed paper with dates and dollar amounts.

According to Nolo (the actual legal encyclopedia, not some TikTok lawyer), judges will enforce promises regarding financial matters in roommate agreements — but only if they're written down. Your "we texted about it once" defense? That's not going to hold up when your ex-roommate's half of the rent never shows up and the landlord is coming for your paycheck.

(And yes, in most jurisdictions, if your roommate flakes, the landlord can hold the remaining tenants responsible for 100% of the rent. Your lease probably says "joint and several liability" — which is fancy legal speak for "you're on the hook for everything, figure it out amongst yourselves." Fun, right?)

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The "Pre-Nup" Framework: What Your Agreement MUST Cover

1. The Security Deposit Split (And Exit Strategy)

This is where 80% of roommate wars start, and it's completely preventable.

Your agreement needs to spell out:

• Who paid what percentage of the security deposit upfront
• Who gets what percentage back (and when)
• How damages get assessed and paid for
• The EXACT process when someone moves out early

Here's the thing most people miss: the security deposit stays with the apartment until EVERYONE moves out. Per rental experts at One Place Locators, if your roommate bails in Month 8, they're not getting their deposit back from the landlord. They're getting it from whoever stays — or they're not getting it at all until the lease ends.

Your agreement should require any departing roommate to find a REPLACEMENT who pays a deposit to THE ROOMMATES STAYING, not the landlord. Otherwise, you're floating their security deposit for months while praying they don't trash their old room on the way out.

2. Rent Splitting That Makes Mathematical Sense

"Let's just split it 50/50" works great until someone realizes they got the windowless closet and their roommate got the suite with the en-suite bathroom.

Be specific about:

• The exact dollar amount each person pays (not percentages)
• Who the check is made out to (if one person collects)
• The due date (at least 5 days before rent is actually due — buffer time is survival time)
• What happens if someone pays late (late fees, interest, etc.)

And for the love of all that is holy, don't let one person pay the landlord directly and "get paid back." That's how you end up covering someone's rent for three months while they "figure things out."

3. Utilities: The Silent Budget Killer

Electric, gas, internet, water, trash, streaming services — they add up fast, and they're the easiest thing to "forget" about when someone moves out.

Your agreement should:

• List every utility/service and who's responsible for putting it in their name
• Specify how bills get split (equal vs. usage-based vs. room-size-based)
• Include account transfer protocols when someone leaves
• Require immediate notification if someone's account goes to collections

Pro tip from someone who's been burned: put the internet in the person with the most stable job's name. You do NOT want to lose your WiFi because someone's seasonal gig ended and they "forgot" to pay the bill.

4. The Move-Out Notice (AKA: The "Don't Ghost Me" Clause)

This is the clause that saves friendships. Or at least prevents them from ending in screaming matches.

Spell out:

• How much notice is required (60 days minimum — 90 days is better)
• What "notice" actually means (written, signed, delivered — not a text)
• The replacement tenant requirements (credit check, landlord approval, deposit paid)
• What happens if someone leaves without notice (hint: they owe money)

According to the City of Boulder's roommate dispute prevention guide, when someone leaves without a proper replacement, the original tenant often remains liable for rent and damages until the lease ends. Your roommate's bad decisions can literally wreck your credit.

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The "Soft" Stuff That Actually Matters

Okay, so judges won't enforce "wash your dishes by 10 PM" clauses. But you know what? Put them in anyway. Because the goal isn't to sue your roommate — it's to never need to.

What to Include in Your "House Rules" Section:

Overnight Guests
How many nights per week? Do partners effectively become a third roommate after a certain point? (Spoiler: they do, and they should pay something.)

Common Areas
Who cleans what, how often, and what "clean" actually means. ("Reasonably tidy" means wildly different things to different people.)

Food & Fridge Territory
Shared staples vs. personal property. The "I'll replace your milk" promise that never happens. Labeling requirements.

Quiet Hours
Especially important if someone's working from home or has early shifts. Be specific: "weeknight quiet hours 10 PM - 7 AM" not "just be considerate."

Party/Hosting Rules
Advance notice required? Guest limits? Who cleans up? (The answer should be: the person who hosted.)

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How to Actually Create This Document

I'm not going to gatekeep templates. Here are three free, legitimate sources:

1. Nolo's Roommate Agreement Template — comprehensive and legally informed
2. Your university's off-campus housing office — many have free templates for students
3. Legal aid websites in your city — tenant rights orgs often publish state-specific versions

The process:

• Draft the agreement BEFORE anyone signs the lease
• Everyone reads it, everyone suggests edits
• Sign it on the SAME DAY you sign the lease
• Everyone gets a copy (physical AND digital)
• Review and initial any changes in writing — no verbal modifications

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Red Flags: When to Walk Away

Sometimes the roommate agreement process reveals that you should NOT live with this person. That's not a failure — that's the document doing its job.

Run if your potential roommate:

• Refuses to put anything in writing ("I thought we trusted each other")
• Wants "flexible" rent dates because their income is "irregular"
• Already has a history of "falling out" with former roommates
• Expects you to pay a larger security deposit because their credit is "weird"
• Can't commit to a move-out notice period

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The "Future You" Check-In

Here's the thing: if your roommate situation goes well, you'll never look at this document again. It'll sit in a folder, peacefully collecting dust, while you and your roommate become lifelong friends who laugh about "remember when we thought we needed a contract?"

But if it goes badly — and statistically, disagreements over deposits and rent are among the top reasons roommate relationships fail — this piece of paper is what protects your money, your credit, and your sanity.

Future You is either going to thank Present You for being paranoid, or curse Present You for being naive. Choose wisely.

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The Bottom Line

A roommate agreement isn't about not trusting someone. It's about acknowledging that life is unpredictable, people change, and memory is unreliable. It's about treating a major financial commitment with the seriousness it deserves.

You wouldn't buy a car with a handshake. Don't share a lease with one either.

Now go draft that agreement, get everyone to sign it, and THEN celebrate with the housewarming pizza. (And yes, put in the document who pays for the pizza.)

You've got this. Go drink some water.

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About the Author: Sloane Rios is the founder of firstapartment.blog and a Chicago-based rental survivor. She's mediated three roommate disputes, won two security deposit battles, and named her peace lily after the only roommate who never once paid rent late.